get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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