The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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