Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
