So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
