We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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