Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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