just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
