6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
you made out with another girl for some wings
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
