You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
