i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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