So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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