can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
