The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
