Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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