my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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