just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
