when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
