well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
