I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
