Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
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