That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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