I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
