the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
