life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
