Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
