that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
