Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
