1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
