do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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