just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
