I just pynch a tree in the face
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
