Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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