Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
