i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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