we have pet lesbian snakes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
