My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
