you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
