We're like a lot better than the average bears
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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