So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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