I skipped work to stalk him.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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