Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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