What a fucking waste of an outfit
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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