remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i think my cat just said my name.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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