haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
