I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
