Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
