We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
