we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
