Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
These tits shall not be calmed
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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