i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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