And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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