jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
